We all know how important it is for little Billy to achieve his lifelong (4 ½ year) NASCAR dream (well, his parents “what else is the ‘lil bastard gonna do with only a 4th grade education” dream). For only the cost of 50 cents (that’s only half a food stamp!) Billy can feel the monotonous rocking motions and simulated ear-grinding sounds of a real oval track racing car. No more will Billy have to endure pretending to be a trailer park hero on his own. Forget bicycles or a cardboard box, Billy now has access to the latest in soul crushing, heartless fiberglass technology!
I much prefer preparing Billy for his real future ride: The PowerPal 3100 industrial shopping cart retriever.
Keep in mind, I am not "dissing" the time-honored job of shopping cart attendant. I had the job and will have it again some day. I'm just tired of hearing these NASCARaholics going on about how their 'lil Billy is going to be the next Dale Ernhardt as they try to pay for their cigarettes with food stamps at the local Walmart.
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